nicolovesit

I just got back from Cassandras place, where I had dinner and wine with three other friends. But I'm tired now so I'm going to bed because tomorrow Carro is coming! I want to be rested to be able to do as much as possible with her! It's nights like this when I don't want leave Paris.


Unfortunally I have lost my studying spirit... I haven't opened my books once during these two weeks without school. It has just been  so stressful but right now I just don't feel like studying and I can't do anything about it. I hope I retrouve my spirit before the finals.

I need to cleaning my apartment before my guest arrives, because it's a big old mess and I just have TOO much stuff!! I really hope she'll have room in her bag so she can help me get some stuff home. All the stuff I have bought under a peroid of two years is here.

After all I have had her bag in my apartment for one year, that's the least she could do! :P

Wow this it's stressful thinking about this stuff, I wouln't think about it today, I'll think about it tomorrow!


Other news, I saw Adèle Blanc-sec today and it was great! I loved it! I have seen two good movies (Dragons) this week all thanks to Oscar. I loved the main caracter Adèle, the way she speaks is great! It's a Luc Besson movie and it shows.

Please pardon me for my spelling mistakes I don't have time to read it before sending as you always should do.

I'm working all day every day this week, and it is so worm out! I would like to relax in a park, that's what I'm doing tomorrow hopefully. I'm taking Oscar and his friend to the park to play, that means relaxing time for me, when they are playing with each other.

Friday is going to be the best day in a LONG time! aaaah Carro is coming to visit me! :) I'm so excited! She hasn't been here since last spring so I imagine that it's most pleasing for her as well! I have school though... and work.. so while she is resting I'm working my ass of! So, I'm gonna make her cook for me every nigth, only she doesn't know it yet.

She will arrive late on friday, so I'm planning to go to some club called Cab and have dinner with some friends, and then there is apparently a big party later that I will miss. It's elegant there I've been told, so I might go check it out but I neet to print the invitation to get in.. I don't have a printer, so I need to go to a cyber cafe or something! Well we'll see if that'll happen or not.

Anyway, things are cool!

I decided something very important today. I am going to give myself a "leaving Paris" - gift. One more bag to my collection. And it's not just any bag. It is the bag. It's an expensive bag and therefor I'm going to think about it until the last week I'm spending here. I have a little money coming in soon, hopefully. I know it is crazy but I just want that one bag I will later give my daughter (if I'l ever have one, otherwise I'll give it to my sons wife), so I'm putting the limit at 500 euros. (Please don't hate me!) I'm going to start my search in a outlet store near my place, and see if there are any goodies there. Otherwise I'll hit the big stores. I love outlets! When you do find something it is the best of the best! I have never found anything yet, but I keep looking, it's fun just to look at everything without buying.






My dream bag






This is a Marc Jacobs bag that I am extremely interested in
buying! It is so cute but I would like it in brown. I don't know
why but I'm not so fond of black bags. Black bags are for
business and working, brown bags are more relaxing and goas
with almost everything. For those who don't know already,
brown makes the black you wear happen even more.

So, I have lived in my apartment for one and a half years. And as some of you know, it is right under the roof, which makes it a sauna during summer. So I live in parks and in other apartmenst during following months: May, June, July, August and September. So while walking around town with Oscar today, I mentioned that I'm NOT looking forward to summer!
And so he said; well why don't you just put on the air fan in your apartment and sit in front of it?


........................... I stoped and I said: pardon, monsieur, but WHAT did you just say....?


It turns out that my landlord is fully aware of the fact that it's twice as hot inside my apartment as it is outside, and therefore he bought an air fan to keep it a little cooler.... Only I have thought (quite annoyed, since I have limited space, and I have spent hours thinking about wather or not I should throuw it out) that it was a broken radiator that they simply haven't bothered to throuw out...


silly me.


So now I am spending my last two months in Paris in my cool apartment! :)






What would one do without modern technology?




Bisous strangers!

Everytime I leave Paris I feel like crying, and everytime I come back to Paris, I feel a certain relief being back. This time was different, this time, as I came back to Paris, I felt like crying and instead of relief I felt sorrow.

I realised: I'm done with Paris. If I'm ever gonna leave it would be now.

I'm going to miss it, and I'm going to leave the biggest piece of my heart behind. I have lived here all together 2,5 years on a period of 5 years, I started out early, 17 going on 18, and ever since then I've been in love. That means it's the longerst relationship I've ever had.

I have met alot of people, some lovely, others not so lovely. But there is one person in particular that has changed my life forever, he made me happier and sader than anyone has ever made me. And I will never forget that, not ever. He will not be reading this, I'm sure, but it doesn't matter, because he already knows it all. There is nothing left to say.










Bye bye strangers

Molly, this is a funny cat, she is very friendly but also very shy. My mum likes her very much! She is one of the oldest cats, she has had lots of kittens in her life.




Knatte - Knutte is very nervous, she doesn't know how to act at all, everytime you pet her she gets so nervous and cuddly at the same time that she doesn't know what to do. She is light as air, she really dosn't weigh anything, seriously, she is teeny tiny! She had a very beautiful gray kitten that we gave to our cousin.




Mimmi - Maja, is my cat and I don't know life without her. I was three years old when I got her which makes her 20 years old this summer. This cat is a "real" cat. She is everything you expect from a cat and she has had the best life a cat could have. She is independend and determent. Ever since she got old enought do hunt, without her mother, she has disapared every summer for about two - three moths doing a long journey, hunting her own food. Now she sits on a stone for hours like an old indian just stearing at the view from our house, probably dreaming about her youth. Sometimes she decides to run away but since she is very old she isn't that fast, and everytime we catch her before she goes too far. Her mothers name was Lisa, also a "real" cat.




Månsan, this little cat is was found on the road left do die near our house. Everytime my mum drove by she say a small, hungry, skinny little thing and one day she stopped the car, and opened the door, and Månsan simply jumped up in her lap and started to purr and she still haven't stopped. My mum saved her little life and she is awfully thankful.




Katitzi is a lovely young cat, about three years old, very nice but she wines alot! Making the cutest little miiiiauu. She loves spending the night in my room but she usally wakes me up at 5 because she wants to go out. She is a real hunter, she hunts birds, mice and even bunnies. She hasen't had a mother teaching her not to play with her food and she can sometimes get very cruel.




Morgan, this is the new man in the house, he is lovely!!! ....with humans, very mean to the other cats, we have to have him in special room to keep him out of the way. This boy just showed up outside our door one day and had decided that; "this is my new home" and it worked like a charm. Mum was sooo hard on him at first saying that he will never enter the house.. but she just couldn't resist his charms.




Carp is a very special cat indeed. He spends all day under the cover in my mums bed doing nothing, sometimes we throw him outside so he will get a little exercise. This cat has also learned to open doors and that is probably the only time he bothers doing anything is when he's standing outside trying to open the LOCKED door.

So these are my babies in Sweden! You can see that I'm never bored at home, I always have someone to take care of. There is one more cat without picture, Kitty, she is just impossible so I couldnt take her picture.

Bisous strangers

Well, it's time to go back to the big city, my dreamy world is officially closed and now it's back to reality!

I haven't done that much while being in Sweden. I have met one friend, Sanna, and that was joy:) And then I've been thinking, thinking and thinking!!
I will probably change my mind when I get back into my old "sleep - school - work"- routine, but right now I am 100% ready to leave Paris. I have decided that IF I get a job at Disney I'll stay one more semester with Helena and Rasse! That would be amazing and I hope that I will be able to stay just to enjoy their company in beautiful Paris.
But I do realise that I have my own life to run and I'm not THAT young anymore and I should really start to focus on what I should do in life.. I can't simply stay in Paris because I have two friends coming! Even if I really want to.

I went shopping today and MY GOD! I'm telling you, it was one very sunshiny, happy Nicole in the shoe store today, I bought four pair of shoes. The 4th pair was actually a pair of woodenclogs. They are ugly as hell, but also cute as hell!

The idea was to go shoe shopping with my mum for my sisters wedding, but instead I found these cuties! They cost a lot of money but it is fucking worth it. While talking to Cass toda, telling her about my new babies, she simply went: OMG, are you serious? You are NOT going to wear them though, right? I went why on earth would you spend that much money on shoes you don't wear?

For those interested in my new shoes they are called Moheda toffeln! So cute and very chic!!

http://www.mohedatoffeln.com/startpage.html  My shoes aren't on the webbsite but they are white with flowers on them!


I also bought three dresses (I don't own pants for the moment lol) and one pair of leggins! I have absolutely no money left now, and I will not be able to eat for three weeks!

Note to self: Do not enter another shoe shop until year 2011.



Bisous strangers!

I have spent all day watching Macahan and cuddle up with my doggies! I'm on season two, disc four.


Now I'm waiting for Sanna and my sis Alex to come, we are going to have a tacos night! mmmm.. :)


Other than that I feel great in Sweden, I feel happier than I've felt in a  long time. I feel like moving back home for a while, live in Lund, go to school.. Spend time with my friends and family. Maybe even get myself a little cat to take care of.. Or a smaller animal that you can keep in a cage, like a little rat or something..

It's strange, I feel like a visitor here.. How can you feel like a visitor in you home country? It feels exiting and new coming here and thinking about living in Lund again, I love our apartment in Lund and I would love to stay in it and decorate it and invite friends over for dinner.. and have my mum come visite and my friends from Paris.. It all seem so tempting now :)

My Paris life seems pretty empty comparing to my life in Sweden where I have all my beloved. It all seems so pointless now. Before everything made sense, I was in love and ready to get married and bspend the rest of my life in Paris with the man I loved unconditionally. I guess thing don't always turn out the way you think..



Bisous strangers

I just love being at home doing nothing!! I am sitting in the living room watching Macahan, an old TV show that we all used to watch the summers togather as a family. Now mum has bought all the episodes and they watched them on easter but since I wasn't here I'm watching them now.

I just came back and my hair is... shorter. I don't think I've realised just how long my hair was until she cut off more than a dm and I still have longer than my sholders! And it's a little bit blonder but not like too much. She said it was in great shape considering what it normally looks like after 4 months without having been cut. It's a little bit cuter than I have and I kinda like it...  :)



Bisous strangers!

Today has been a great day. I went shopping in Lund, and then I met my sister for lunch and coffee! I loved it, she is the best! We ended up sitting for three hours just talking about what has been going on and about me and Paris and my constant fear of not being happy in the future instead of living in the present. I haven't seen her since christmas and I realised how much I actually miss my sisters. She is the only one of three who is still in Lund, the other two are in Stockholm and London.

As I said I did some  shopping, I almost burned my wallet up. My god... I just let my self go crazy... shouldn't have done that............

I wanted to put some pictures up but it's not working.

Now I'm off to Teckomatorp to get my hair cut and colored!!!!! aaagh, nervous! I'm not gonna go as extreem as a first wanted. But I think it's going to be cute :) Of couse I will put up a before and after picture for those who are interested!


Bisous strangers!!

In three hours my train for Sweden leaves. I have mixed feelings about this journy, is it really worth it? I have done everything in my power to prevent a sleepless nigth on the train.

I went swimming today, for those of you not that close to me, this is the only sport I enjoy (except for walking around) When I was younger I was on a swinteam and I was in competitions, and then I could easily swim for three hours straight.... But that was before... Unfortunately I have developped some sort of allergi to the chloride and everytime I swim my skin gets red and itches days afterwords, even if I shower throughly.
My point is that I have stopped swimming partly because of it. But I have decied that once a week would probably be fine. And it was amazing, it's been like two years since I haven't swum... And I'm telling you... It was just what I needed! I feel so much better and now I just.. wow.. TIRED...

Now I hope I will have less excess enegry on the train.

Then I went to the Pharmacie and told them that I had a long train ride tonight and that it was essentiel that I sleep because the day after was going to be a BIG day for me and I didn't have time to rest. He gave me something a little stronger so I hope it's gonna knock me out!

This is what Carro and I agreed on as "journey - food" on skype yesterday:

• Grapes
• Baguette filled with chicken, cheese and sallad
• M&M's
• Haribo
• Pain au Lait for breakfast
• Cherry tomatoes
• A big bottle of S. Pellergino

oooooh, I can't wait until I leave!! I should probably start to get ready soon, my place is a MESS!!! I think my landord will come to inspect my apartment while I'm gone, he does that sometimes. At least I did the dishes!


I am leaving my computer behind and I don't feel comfotable with that. It's two years old and I haven't been without one single time, it's my baby! But a train is no place to be for a little computer espacially when it's mummy is going to be knocked out from drugs!







Bye bye baby, I'll miss you and everything you have on your inside...





Bisous strangers!

So, about my theory...

I almost can’t think about it because it scares me so…  But I think that this is the world’s reaction against humans. What I means is that we are the only species on earth that is knowingly destroying ourselves. Nothing we have ever created will last. Everything is just temporary solution and this is a reality check! The only thing man can’t control these days is the planet, just take a look at all these silly movies saying that man can even fight nature (Armageddon among others). It’s unrealistic and we should take this time to think about our situation we have put ourselves in. We depend on technology these days, and our society would crash without it, so when these things happen we are just as weak ant helpless as all other species on earth. It’s so sad that we don’t realize that there has to be a change soon, because mother earth is fucking pissed off.

Some people say that the global worming would have happened anyway with or without our help. I’m not one of those people. I do think that it could have something to do with evolution, and I think that mother earth is starting this global worming because she wants us out. But with our high tech stuff we are way harder to destroy then the dinosaurs. We simply refuse to accept our destiny.

If you don’t give a damn about the earth you should at least consider the fact that we get totally helpless every time this happens. And we cannot do anything about it. I bet someday the oxygen on earth will fail, and then what? We aren’t just destroying for ourselves but also for the lions, the cows, the wales, the birds, the fish, dogs, the cats, the elephants, the polar bears…. Mother earth will always be there, taking care of herselves, she is older than anything on this planet, and she can rest and recover for millions of years, but once our society is out, we ain’t coming back! She will not make the same mistake twice, SHE created us, and SHE can destroy us.

 

Now she's serious.

 

Creating mankind, was Mama earth’s biggest mistake. Talk about

problem child...

 

Today when I stood making lasagna, I said to myself:

- No, I simply can not accept this! I will not let them get me down like this! I WILL go to Sweden this week, if it is the last thing I do!!

(I'm imagining a light on me and the wind is blowing in my face as in an old Hollywood movie)

So, I stood in line for two hours today, at Gare de l'Est. When I finally got to talk so someone they told me it was impossible. I said to him that nothing is impossible and then I was pushier than I have ever been in my life so far.
I made the poor guy check every possible way to get to Sweden. try Berlin, try Köln, try any city in Scandinavia!!! DO IT, I don't care HOW you do it just do it!!

And finally he found a night train to Berlin and from there a train to Copenhagen. I'm so hoping that my mum will come get me in Copenhagen so I don't have to take the shitty Öresundståget.

I have a planeticket for tuesday so hopefully it wouln't be cancelled, but it probably will. So I have my back up plan now and it feels great! I am so lucky! I don't understand how damn lucky I am! Well I'm not lucky enough to get the planes to fly, but just enough to get a train ticket instead of a buss ticket. That would have been the lowest of the lowest. I now get to lie in a couchette on a train reading L'Adversaire. That's always something.

I will make a list of all the things I need so that I wouln't die while riding this train. And I need to bring some food and stuff like that. And I need to plan what I'm suppos to wear!

It's a little bit exciting taking the train through europe!:) Maybe I'll find a nice beautiful man to talk to. I once saw a movie about a boy meeting a girl and they fell in love on a train through Europe :) That would be romantic! Wow, I get to go home!! :)

Now, what am I suppose to do until Tuesday? No idea.

I was so happy to go home, I really needed this in order to be able to go on living in Paris, it's a f***ing stressful life I live here and I needed a break.

I know it's not just me, others wants to go home too, everybody hurts (wow I managed to get a little joke in)!!!!


On the other hand it seems to be good for the nature, after a vulcano eruption the world temp. seems to get a little bit cooler and that is got I guess.


That's really all I have to say for today...







Bisous strangers

Tomorrow I'm going to Sweden for a week. I looooove it! I miss my friends and family. I will be leaving at 18h tomorrow so I will have time to go to school, I am for the moment a bit sick of school.

I just got of Skype, I talked to Helena for more than an hour when I should have been studying, but it was the first time on Skype, her computer is shitty and it doesn't have a mic so I have been waiting ages for her to buy headphones so that we can talk.

I'm going to meet her on sunday and I am most excited about meeting her now boyfriend!!! I am so happy that she has found someone who seems to be a great guy! (I haven't met you yet but you better be a good guy, Helena's boyfriend, I know people............)

I start work in an hour and I really should start packing my Sweden bag cuz I haven't even started yet and it will be major problems later if I don't.

Todays tip: If you haven't done your homework for school, tell the teacher you have simply lost your voice and that you aren't allowed to speak for a week!! That's what I did today and it worked like a charm. lol. I so hope no one from my class reads this!






At Corcoran's last year when Helena came to visit me in Paris. She's
coming to Paris in september to pass a couple of months here! <3

For several weeks the little boy I'm watching has been a real problem child, it hasn't been good at all between us. I have been taking care of him for one and a half year now and I know him. But this boy, I don't recognise at all. And it's sad.

So today we had the biggest fight ever and I could no longer pretend that nothing was wrong. It's almost as if he does everything in his power to get some kind of reaction from me. He is just so angry, all the time.

So I took a moment and tryed to go back in time to when I was his age and I knew straight away that something was wrong. He is lonely. So I called his mother and said that this behavior has got to stop now, she was very worried when she found out about this since he has always been so attached to me, and she found it worrying that he suddenly had so much hatred towards me.

After hanging up, I sat down with him, playing the calm "shrink - Nicole" and asked all those button pushing questions to find out what was really going on. And ít turns out that he, as so many other children that age, had lost his best friend and were now walking alone in school.

It broke my heart as he told me this, he is like my little brother and I care so much about him and I want him to be happy. We had a long talk about how life could sometimes be hard and I told him about my problems in school, and that I were alone every single day until junior highschool when I finally started to make friends.


Anyway that's all I have to say for now. I have such a tension headache and I need to go to bed, but I did get invited do a party tonight but I'm not going.




Loneliness is something most people have felt in their life.
But what if it never passes?



Bisous strangers

At Cassandras place sunday, I learned something extraordinary that is both scary and calming. As you all know, I am THE drama queen. Like, I have no limits! I adore drama and without it I don't feel life is worth living. But what she told me really got me thinking and now everything makes sence.

Here we go:

 

My name is Nicole and I'm a dramaholic.

 

There is a part of your brain that gets stimulated by drama. I guess it is a bit like those addicted to adrenalinekicks. But this is more of an addiction to complicated relationships and drama. I need to be in a constant battle with someone. Anyone. As long as it takes up enought energy to call it a big drama. Without this drama life doesn't seem real.

 

BUT, apparently the brain can't handle this addiction for more than two years before it colapses and need some relaxation. And then it starts over again.

 

Isn't this the scariest thing you have ever heard?

 

Here I was thinkning I was a cold case but I just need to find the nearest rehab!

 

 

 

Is this going to be life long addiction? hmm.. Drama Queen at 60...

 

So yesterday I made a fool of myself. It was fun. After having read for an hour in the sun on my favorite spot in Paris, I decided to go visit Cassandra, and I decided to be extra nice to her since she had lost her wallet the day before. So I was going to make us dinner. I went down to Franprix, not knowing what to buy.

It started well enough as I entered Franprix the wrong and couldn't get pass the long line of people waiting to pay, so I had to exit and take the entré.
And then I felt so lost.. I had no idea what to buy, and I just walked around the store picking things up and then putting then back, and then picking them up and put them back a second time. About 10 minutes later I had finally picked up what I wasn't gonna put back. And as you have probably figured out in stressful situations I freeze. So I did for like 10 seconds after the guy had told what I wasn't buying enough to pay with my card.

By the time my brain connected that I couldn't pay with my card. Everyone was stearing at me as I started talking nonsens. I said something about going into the store again, waving my arms around, in all directions possible, since my brain was obviously too slow to find the words.
I shouted something about him continuing and told every one "oh go ahead, people, I wouln't me long!!", and he said he could not. I didn't understand what he meant and so I stood in the taking up a huge gape in the line of people for another 10 seconds.
And he brought me to life again when he asked me once agian what I wanted to do. I started to twattle about going back and not going back and finally I said that I was going to go get cash. And once again I struggled to get passed the line when I realised that I was struggling towards the entré.
Now people actually started to laugh at me as I struggle once again to get pass everyone. And I finally got out of the store, ran back up to Cassandra and went: I WILL NEVER GO BACK THERE.

But I knew I had to.. I found my stuff in a basket full of stuff people had left behind. So I took them and then I and this time I had cash. Before he had time to say anything else I stood ready to hand over the money!

And the guy when:
- ohh didn't you forget something?

I started to look around me, turning my head like a crazy person. what did he mean?? I looked at him as if I had no brain and he went: yeah, didn't you want to buy crème fraîch and ham too? here you only have half the stuff you wanted to buy in the first place..
I went fuck this is NOT happening! So anyway, I gave him the "just ONE minute I will be RIGHT back!!"- sign. (whatever that sign is...) I ran around the store trying to find everything, while swearing (in swedish of course), and then I payed and got the heeeeeeeeeeell out of there...


Just another sunday right... ?




Paris is lovely.




Bisous strangers

Today's sunday and officially the most boring day of the week. I had a very good day yesterday, I dressed up and I got on the bus to do some shopping. I was so happy that I finally got to use my spring gloves my sister Filippa gave me! :) I didn't want to take them of on the bus because I felt like a fine southern lady. My state of mind quickly change when a man came on the bus and the first thing he did was to lean over my seat putting his arms on each side of me saying:

- Mademoiselle, you are magnificent! Might I take you out for a drink? I was struck buy your amazing beauty while getting on the bus! (these words were screamed out, as tha whole bus were stearing)
- Non merci, monsieur. (lucky me, I had my shades on)
- Oh please, don't be shy! Why wouln't you take a drink with me, it would make me so happy, are oui afraid??
- Non, monsieur. Thank you but no thank you, I'm not interested.
- oooooooh I understand now! It's all these people stearing at you!! Why didn't you tell me that? I could have been more discret! (now he sits down) (I felt all eyes on me, how was I going to get out of this one alive??) Here take my card, if you go to this adress I will make sure you feel at home because it's at my place! (he tried to give me his card)
- non monsieur, I am NOT interested. (not taking the card)(what I was really thinking was "no, it's because you are old and ugly" but I didn't say that....)
- very well.. 

Now he was finally quiet, but I could feel his eyes on me. Now, what is wrong with people? I should be used to it, and I am, but sometimes under certain circumstances and in some areas in Paris it is still surprising when people do this. Who do they think I am? It's discusting that people would think that I'd even consider taking a drink with someone who comes up to me on a bus??


I ended up at Stevens place on the other side of Paris, and I spent a couple of hours there until he started work. Then I took the bus back home but I got of halfway, still in the mood for shopping. I found a cheap dvd store and I found a swedish movie "Jalla Jalla", I love that movie, and it was only 5 euros but then I realised that for some reason it was only the french version, so I chose Monsieur Batignole instead I movie where they actually speak french. But then I found the one! La première étoile. I adore that movie! :)

So since I'm ill (feeling a bit better) I took a calm evening a la maison. It was nice, I cooked and watched my new movie and then I watched Super nanny. And then I slept, I was extremely tired.

Now I'm going to take my book and go to my favorite spot in Paris and read!






Filippa! I'm using the gloves! They were worm and I had to take them
of a couple of times, but it was so cute.



Bisous strangers

I bet you are smiling as you are writing this mother because I ain't going anywhere tonight, I'm saving myself for the big night, when Carro's coming, plus I'm ill.

So what am I thinking about today? I had a writing exam today, on the last one I got a really bad result and I do hope that it will be better this time. I don't think I took the last exam that serious, but still. God I am so nervous about the final exams. If I don't pass it I don't know what I'll do. The person who is even more worried about that is my mother, everytime I even mention the word "school" she goes: YOU KNOW YOU CAN'T FAIL THE EXAM! IF YOU DO YOU CAN'T STUDY NEXT SEMESTER!!!! Yes mother, I am fully aware of that.

Seems I'm doing fine in phonetiques after all. I just needed to readjust my vocal cords a bit. So it's all good now and I feel like a real french lady now that I know my own mistakes. I am so glad that I am going to school! What would I have done if I passed my whole life talking bad french. I have never been so greatful to a teacher before.

I'm extremely bored and I feel like doing something but I have decided not to do anything this weekend since I am just about ready to fall down and die from my cold. 

I guess it will be a movie night or NCIS. Steven just called me and he has free calls so I guess I will eat, drink and watch movies while talking to him! I don't have the energi to go down and buy stuff to eat. And trust me that is a good thing, I spend way to much money right now and I have the whole fridge filled up with leftovers that I really should start eating before it's too late!


Here you have all the symptoms of a common cold.






Bisous strangers

God, time do pass by quickly. In June I have been in Paris for two years and including the one semester at the swedish school makes it almost two and a half years, except for holidays in Sweden of course.

I am proud that I have started Sorbonne despite my ADHD that gives me shit and that I'm making an effort to better my french. I get the same question every time I mention how long I've lived in Paris. "WOW, you must speak really good french!!"
But people: You need to practise your french in order better it. It's true that I have had a french speaking boyfriend for a year but that doesn't mean I'm fluent. I know a guy (sorry for telling everyone, my friend) who has lived in Paris for more than five years and I speak better french than he does! All I want to say is that: Living in Paris doesn't alone make french happen!

I found out today that I am clueless when it comes to french. I guess I didn't realise how bad my accent was. I had phonetiques and apparently I have trouble with "ch" "j" "g" sounds. NO ONE has ever told me this, why haven't you guys told me this? I have already created my own accent, I have even been told that I have the parisian accent, even by teachers! I hope it's not too late to change it, if not you don't have anyone to blame but yourself for not being harder on me.

I have started a new book, that has been lying around for about three years, L'Adversaire by Emmanuel Carrère. It's a bit darker than my Marian Keyes books that I read before, but I like it. I have wanted to read it for such a long time but I have never gotten around. It's about a man who has lived a double life for several years pretending to be a doctor, and when his family found out about his lies he killed his parents, his wife and their two children in cold blod. well... you think you know a guy...

I'm still ill, my head is killing me and my body hurts even more than yesterday. But it's all good. It means that I will not party this weekend and that means no partying until Carro gets here since I'm going to Sweden next friday and there will be no Paris partying! I might go see a movie or something, that would be nice and relaxing! :)



Maybe I should stop talking for good, that way you wouln't
notice my bad accent! :P


Bisous strangers

I'm ill, and I feel so sorry for myself, I feel like Samantha in Sex and the City when she said to Carrie: We're all alone Carrie, and without a man life isn't worth a shit!!

And I am a little bit back at zero when it comes to Paris, well about my apartement really... I know that I want to stay in Paris, but I'm not sure what it is that I'm going to do. I know that I don't want to stay in this apartment there are too many memories and I need to leave to be able to forget and NO, I'm not running away, I'm just changing environment so that I can move forward. I love the little boy I'm watching but I need to leave that too.

I said no to Corneilas apartment, it was too bad, because it was a real catch, you don't find apartments like that very often, but I felt like I needed to go home this summer to think for a bit and she needed someone for this summer. I had almost decided to take it but it I guess it didn't feel right. I am happy with my decision, because then I might have time to take my drivers licens and even go on a small trip somewhere! I'd looooove to go somewhere and bronze before my sisters wedding but I don't think that's possible so it will have to be afterwords.

I actually fell asleep at "work" today, I am really ill. My thoat hurts and my whole body aches but I did go to school anyway and I'm proud of it because I can be really shitty at that sometimes!

I am looking for apartments as I'm write this and it gets me down! I really don't know how I'm going to make rent. I found the perfect one, in the 17th and it's just so perfect. But I can't decide anything until I've decided what I want to do. And you never get the first one either, but I just fell in love with it.

I'm starting to reconsider studying Interior design in Dublin. Paris is my second home, and I love this city, but I feel as if I've started to do a little bit of nothing, almost as if I'm in Sweden thinking about going abroad and asking myself what should I do? That's the way I feel about going back to Sweden, what the h*** would I do in Sweden, if I'm going back I better have a damn good reason. God, I am confused. I should just do my homework and go to bed and sleep.

One more nouvelle! Carro is finally coming to Paris!! :) I am so happy, first I'm coming to Sweden and then, not even a week later she's coming to me. I know I've mentioned it before but now she actually payed the ticked so it's for real! I miss ya ma diva!

Other than that I really don't have anything interesting to tell you guys, so I should just stop.





This is what I do at work when it's nice weather, snacking time with
Oscar he was inside getting the O'boy (swedish chocolate milk)! :)
Unfortunately I can't put pictures on him here but he is such a cute kid!





For my throat.



Bisous strangers

As I wrote yesterday I had a bad day and when I have bad days I can't fall asleep and that's what happened yesterday. Every part of my body itches and I can't lie still, I can't relax, I go to the window, open it, close it, go back to bed, and then I start all over again. It's ridiculous.
Anyway, at 3.45 I decided that there was no way in hell I'd get up at 6.15 to go to school. So I got up and sat the alarm for 9.00 instead so that I would at least make it to the boring phonetiques. Eventually I fell asleep and I woke up and looked like a chinese lady. I'm thinking about going back to sleep again now but I'm not tired anymore and I need to study even though I don't know what I'm suppose to study this week. This was my last absence, so now I'm screwed.

I'm looking forward to go to Sweden for a week, it's going to be fun meeting eveybody and cuddle up with my cats and doggies on the couch watching a movie. I miss them so much, I really do. I wish I had an animal in Paris, a small animal like a hamster or even a fish. Now I only have my little elephant, Sasha, next to my bed as company.

I bought a new broomstick yesterday since my old one literally "went out the window". (haha, god, I'm funny!) And I was terrified that someone would recognise it as the one hitting someone on the head and arrest me. Maybe they assumed that the one who dropped it out the window would come buy the exact same (it's the cheapest one of course, like I'm gonna spend money on cleaning equipment when I could buy candy) and they were just waiting for him/her. I took a deep breath as I walked out of the store and hid it well in my bag. (I payed for if of course and then hid it). The last one was pink and green this one is just pink. So I guess I traded myself up a notch since I didn't like the appearence of the old one.

Now I'm going to take a little powernap my throat started to hurt when I came home from school and now I'm scared that I will come down with something. Really the last thing I need. But I'm going to drink lots of tea at work so maybe it'll pass.  




Pop in the garden, this summer. So cute. Miss her.



Bisous strangers

Today is a bad day, I hate when my routines are cut. Damn easter. I have fallen in to my well known "not doing anything at all" - routine.

Yesterday not much happened either but, as I wrote yesterday I'd might go on a date. What I didn't know is that I had actually accepted one and forgotten about it..... So after I had eaten dinner at McDonald's (this is something I have stoped doing, after I made a pact with Sanna, but yes, this time I did it and I stand for it!) While slurping up the last of my coke at McD I got a phonecall from this guy saying that he just got of work, and wondering where I'd like to have dinner... I was like, weeeeeell, I'm not really in the mood for dinner.. So we met up and I thought everything was cool, we took a walk and stuff, when suddenly he opened the door for me to Buffalo Grill... I tryed to explain to him that I had been out last night and that I really didn't feel like eating, but he insisted and I simply agreed to watch him eat. I couldn't admit to him that I just came McDonald's......... He made me order anyway and I am just to well raised to not finish my meal. I even smuggled three buns into my purse telling him that he was gonna pay for it anyway, so we might as well take it all. And so I did. I am proud of the fact that I orders salad as a side dish instead of fries, I figured that it would be easier to eat when you are full rather then fatty fries.

As I was strugguling to get my dinner down, my date seem didn't seem to do much else. Is it allowed to be that quiet on a date?  He hardly said a word during dinner, and I (the hungover one) was forced to make conversation. I said something, and he went, "yes" "no" or "okey". What is wrong with men? Can't they see when one is bored and make an effort?

I have decided not to go on anymore dates even if I get a free dinner. I might as well accept the fact that I am not ready to date someone else (it has only been three months) and there is nothing pathetic or sad about that! I just really don't think there is another man out there for me, so why bother? I'd rather pay for dinner myself and eat it with a good friend. People say that seeing new people and going on dates is suppose to help you move on, and forget about that great love, but for me it's more the other way around. Ever time I even talk to a guy it reminds me of everything I no longer have and it breaks my heart.







Bisous strangers

Yesterday I was bored to death, I wasn't perticularly in the mood for partying, but I put my make up on and came to O'Sullivan's to eat at 9.30 or so. And as I tend to change my mind about these things I prepared myself for a big night out. My internet was poorly yesterday so I couldn't get a hold of Anna, who I know had just come home from skiing with her family in Les Alpes. So I was very happy when she had found my number and called to invite me over. I finished my meal and then I took the metro to Monceau and I was accompanied by two girls in the elevator and I didn't realise that they we were going to the same apartment until we actually stood knocking on the same door. Anyway, turned out that Annas little brother had a big party for his friends (mostly americans I'd say). I wasn't thrilled about their little party and not at all interested of making conversation with them so Anna and I stayed in her room having our own party. I later found out that a guy we use to go to school was up on the roaf floor and I felt obligated to go up and say hi. He didn't seem that happy to see so I decided not to be either.

One bottle of wine later we were in the metro, and normally it's not a big deal when people find me hot in the metro because it's something you get use to if you take line 2 pretty much every weekend for two years. But this time it was very flattered when Anna said that she heard a couple (who were not drunk nor druged) discussing what language we spoke and also mentioning how extremely beautiful they thought I was. Now.. I had tons of make up on so who wouldn't call me beautiful! But still, it made my night!





Anna and I last night, lots of fun.


I talked to my mother yersterday and she told me that I have an easter egg waiting for me in Sweden :) I can not wait to see everybody! It's gonna be so much fun! My mother and sister showed our dog Pop in the webbcam yesterday and I felt a real sting of sadness, Pop is my baby, she had just gotten trimmed which basically means that she has shrunken about two sizes. She is suppose to be a Cairn Terrier but she is waaay too small! Non of our animals have turned out the way we expected. lol. Our whole family is a bunch of unfortunate ones in a way, that's why we are so fun to hang around :P

I don't know what I'm am doing today, it's 18.01 now, so I don't really have time to do anything except to have dinner and then go back to bed, I hope to finish my book, Chez les anges, before going to Sweden so I can get rid of some of my books. Or better yet, go on a date (I just got asked out) to practise my french.




Me and the only sun I'll probably get this year! Sat there for about half
an hour before I got bored.

OUUUPS!! I did my weekly hause cleaning today and there was alot of dust. So my broomstick got very disgusting and I did something that I really shouln't have, especially after Anna explained to me what was not allowed to do out the window in Paris apartments. I wanted to get the dust of my broomstick, and stupid as I am I still had it on the stick instead of holding it in my hand because I didn't want to get dust in my hair!!!! (je suis une vrai chippie!!) So... it fell off and since i have a policestation in front of my building, my first reaction was: HIDE!!!
So I ducked and I heard a noice. Now the problem is: Where did it land? An hour after the big fall I dared to lean out my window and look for it. Now there are two alternatives:

Alternative 1: It landed on the balcony under my apartement, because I saw some broken plants while leaning out. That is horrible, maybe the broom broke there plants on their balcony in which case I will have to pay for it.

Alternative 2: It landed on someone standing outside the caffeeshop under me smoking and he died. I've heard that if you drop a coin from the Eiffel tower and it lands on someones head they will die. So why not a broom from the 6th floor.

I can't put on the TV cuz I'm afraid that if someone comes knocking on my door, it will be too late to pretend not to be home. I did that once when my ex and I were watching TV. A man came knocking saying that he was my neighbour, I didn't want to open up because my apartment was a mess and we had the madrass on the floor (which insinuated that I just had sex). Anyway, stupid enough we actually talkted loudly at first, (with the TV on) and F went: what the fuck do you MALE neighbour want from you!!?! And I hissed back to him: What do you mean MALE, I'm I not allowed to have male neighbours now??? In the middle of this dispute my neighbour still stood outside my door doubtlessly hearing our disagreement. I went: shhhhhh he's gonna hear you! And then we finally agreed to pretend not being home, so we turned of the TV and shhed each other. Unbelievably immature.




This is how long my hair is now it continues a good 5 cm that you don't
see in the pic. I never thought I'd say this but I am so tired of it, I can't
wait for sweden and to cut it all of. Well not all of it but like 2 decimeter,
very big deal for me. I just really feel like changing it. It's going to be
much blonder too.


Today's easter, or whatever you call it, and I have no idea what I'm going to do. I was ready to go out yesterday but I didn't, I was really tired and I was feeling quite down. Had my make - up on and all. I think it was my mum who made me change my mind as she said to me on MSN; "I have a very bad feeling about you going out tonight, Nicole." My mothers "feelings" tend to be right most of the time.
I am a bit sad, my sisters are all gathered with mother in Sweden and I'm alone in Paris. It feels very strange even if easter isn't a tradition I normaly consider one of the greatest. Although we still search for our easter eggs in the backyard with our dogs and our cat, Mimmi, is always carried by someone because she is so old that she can't follow us fast enough. It's cute.. I have much trouble with the food though, I hate eggs. The only time I can eat eggs is in pancakes and in "raggmunk" (Swedish traditinal food, soooooo good).



So I wish you all a happy easter.


Bisous strangers.

I spent the day at Steven's place doing nothing, we were suppose to study, but that turned into talking about love and the fear we both have for it. The conversation went on for 4 hours and then he had to go to work. He said that I said plenty of smart things today. My brain is just so fast today, I don't know what's happening. lol. I enjoy spending time with this nigerian man because he can tell me lots and lots about the world of men, not just any men, african men, swedish men I don't care for so I don't need to know about them.





I love that Steven has that comb; that "every black man gotta have".
He also have special hairstuff that are "nottin' fo' yo' white folks".
I would like nothing more than to have afro, I am so jealous. If I had
afro hair I would get dreads in a minute!




Bisous strangers

What am I doing: I am eating Ben & Jerry's Chocolate Fudge Brownie before lunchtime (I feel that since I'm still suffering from my last relationship I am allowed.) plus belle la vie is on tv in the background and I'm listening to reggae and thinking about lost times.

It's really cold outside and I am angry with those who said: here comes springtime!! They ruined everything! You should never say stuff like that because everytime you do the cold comes back!

I had a fun day at school, I think the Turkish guy in my class was so desperate to talk to me that he actually invented a story about me having studied law and he wanted to discuss it with me. He came up to me while I was listening to my iPod (as usual), and he simply said excusez - moi, and I tought he wanted to pass so I pulled in my chair and ignored him. But he just stood there staring at me. lol. And then he said again, excusez - moi. And from there everything just went wrong for the poor guy.. I said that, no, I had not studied law and he went back to his seat trying to make jokes with the second most hilarious person in my class bye putting her glasses on and pretending to drink her green tea. This japonse girl/woman, who is apparently 40 years old (she blames her age for the fact that she wares glasses). I found out this morning that she was actually much older than I thought. It's amazing how young she looks, she must drink alot of green tea! But her brain, comparing to her looks, seems more like 80 years old.



My planning for the weekend:

• making lasagna with Steven. (he is not as thrilled about it, he makes it everyday at work but I figured that he would be an expert by now so I'm gonna make him do it anyway).
  
• I'm going to Stevens place today to help him with his french, it's our new routine.
  
• taking a long bath, with everything that comes with it, that means bubbles, facial and hair mask.
  
• trying to reach Anna who is apparently in Paris this weekend as well as last weekend (OMG, i had such a good time!!
  
• I have a test on SUBJONTIF tuesday and I should really study, I'll find time for that somehow.
  
• I've heard that Cassandras brother is in town so maybe I'll go to her place at some point this weekend to meet hang with them a little and then she needs to show me an apartement that I might be renting next semester. (fingers crossed!!)
  

Todays music is African Queen, by 2Face Idibia. I love this song it is so beautiful and it makes feel better when I'm low, lot's of memories, and I KNOW I'm not african but it don't matter! Dodo sang this song for me in january, when I was feeling sad and I have loved it ever since.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=m8ENCMLPrTQ
Now I'm late for school so I have to go. But I really think I've been telling you enought rubbish for one day.


Bisous strangers

Maybe this was the girls idea of a April Fool's day joke.