Medication (interesting reading for you with ADHD)
As you all know, I am diagnosed with ADHD (Attention Deficit Hyperactive Disorder). Anyway, after careful consideration I have decided that the best thing for me would be to go on medication, in order to cope with school and with relationships. I have taken it once before and it had the same effect on me as it seem to have now.
This medication is called Conserta, some have heard of it and some hasn't but I will try and explain shortly how it functions. It is a nervous system stumulant, which makes you, if you have ADHD, much calmer, much more focused and much more in control of your impulses. So that's positive.
The negative part of this medication is that when you start taking it when you are an adult (and maybe for some children), you seem to get a sort of identity crisis. As Concerta slows you down and takes away your impulses and that "turbo-speed-thinking" - mode that you have 24/7, it is almost like you are turned into a completely different person. Because by the time you are 23 you have pretty much developped a personality where your ADHD is included, and people either love you, or they hate you.
Once you are on medication that "crazy" part of you goes missing, and you are left with a sort of half personality. You don't know where and what you are anymore. You start to ask yourself questions like; Who am I? Is the person on medication the "real" me, if I would have been born without ADHD? And if so, have I been a false person for my entire life? Is my ADHD - symptoms what my closest friends like about me, and will they still like me now that I am no longer like that? What about the people who I need while I'm on medication and they will not like the person I am once I go off it?
It is now my second day with Concerta, and of course it will get better, but these first couple of days are such an enormous change for me, it's like I've been transfered into a completely different body and brain. I haven't seen anyone, except in school and I hate to say this; but I don't really feel I need to see anyone or do anything at all. I can't be bothered, I just sit and stare and is quite comfortable with that. It is that part that scares me; will my joy for my friends vanish as a symptom of my ADHD?
I bet all my ex boyfriends would absolutely love me right now, that is how utterly reasonable I've become. But it's not me... or is it...?
This medication is called Conserta, some have heard of it and some hasn't but I will try and explain shortly how it functions. It is a nervous system stumulant, which makes you, if you have ADHD, much calmer, much more focused and much more in control of your impulses. So that's positive.
The negative part of this medication is that when you start taking it when you are an adult (and maybe for some children), you seem to get a sort of identity crisis. As Concerta slows you down and takes away your impulses and that "turbo-speed-thinking" - mode that you have 24/7, it is almost like you are turned into a completely different person. Because by the time you are 23 you have pretty much developped a personality where your ADHD is included, and people either love you, or they hate you.
Once you are on medication that "crazy" part of you goes missing, and you are left with a sort of half personality. You don't know where and what you are anymore. You start to ask yourself questions like; Who am I? Is the person on medication the "real" me, if I would have been born without ADHD? And if so, have I been a false person for my entire life? Is my ADHD - symptoms what my closest friends like about me, and will they still like me now that I am no longer like that? What about the people who I need while I'm on medication and they will not like the person I am once I go off it?
It is now my second day with Concerta, and of course it will get better, but these first couple of days are such an enormous change for me, it's like I've been transfered into a completely different body and brain. I haven't seen anyone, except in school and I hate to say this; but I don't really feel I need to see anyone or do anything at all. I can't be bothered, I just sit and stare and is quite comfortable with that. It is that part that scares me; will my joy for my friends vanish as a symptom of my ADHD?
I bet all my ex boyfriends would absolutely love me right now, that is how utterly reasonable I've become. But it's not me... or is it...?
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