No idea

My sister's coming to Paris to visit! I'm exicited because I'll have to do stuff with her and that way I don't just sit at home!

I have no idea what to do in 4 weeks. Dublin isn't happening, I changed my mind. So after I have left Paris, my life is a blanc page until further notice. I have some alternatives but I don't know which one I'll take. Maybe I'll stay in Sweden until the end of the year, or I'll go someplace totally different. The problem is, as always, money.

Right now it feels horrible to leave Paris, but I have to, at least for now. It's still old Paris I'll come back to, but without the people I know and care about. It takes a lot of effort to built a "real" life in a big city like this, and I have come half way...

My problem is that I am terrified of getting older, and I'm terrified of not becoming anything, of being a failure, I feel like I'm already reaching 30. Somehow I look forward to it, it would be nice living life without that reaching 30 stress. But there are so much I want to do before 30, and I keep telling myself that my life isn't over after 30 but it's a milestone and I am so afraid! I'm thinking so much a head that I'm not able to live in the present.

It funny, when you think back, and where you thought you'd be at 22. Not at all what I expected, I wanted to work in an office and be married. I wanted my first child before 25 (I still do but it's not gonna happen). I didn't realise how hard it is to find someone to marry, or even to love!




Bisous strangers!


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