nicolovesit

I am doing my math course, I'm sure everybody knows about that already, because it's all I ever talk about. However, I am also in great need to improve the three languages I speak: Swedish, English and French. So I picked out some books that I will make myself read this summer. I will never have time for it once I start school again after summer. So it's really now or never! You should not waste any time in life. And I am in desperate need to read French literature because, let's face it, my French is not what it used to be and it will only get worse.


1. La place, Annie Ernaux
2. L'Adversaire, Emmanuel Carrère
3. Segraren står ensam, Paulo Coelho
4. Les belles images, Simone de Beauvoir
5. Mille soleils splendides, Khaled Hosseini
6. Jane Eyre, Charlotte Brontë
7. The Tenant of Wildfell Hall, Anne Brontë

I am so proud of myself, I never thought I would be able to actually focus and study at university level with my ADHD. But I fought really hard to stay focused and I am so happy about that. I have missed some credits from the beginning of the semester when my mind was in total chaos. Then I found my strength and I continued the course, even if my mind told me that it was hopeless and that was really my personal goal. I wanted to stay and complete what I had started. The only other time I have completed something was when I was studying French at Université de la Sorbonne, in Paris.

Monday I'm gonna do something I never thought, I will take a math course that I need to include in my high school diploma in order to apply to some schools. I am not good at math, but with a little help from my genious friend who is in medical school, I hope that it will be okey.

I have one week off before I start my little math course. I can't believe I am gonna have to study throughout summer... And it is not even an interesting course. It's math! I don't do math! I just wanna have fun this summer, but right about now it seems just a little impossible.

After a wonderful sale on H&M, I took the train to Malmö, with Kazuma, and we walked and had coffee in Espresso House in Västra Hamnen and it was fun, but exhausting. Then we rushed back to Lund, had sushi at Zen. Then I had to hurry back to my place and prepare for a girls evening, in Malmö. It was fun, and I finally got to wear my little black dress that has never been worn.






Kazuma in front of Malmö's pride; Turning Torso.







I drank way too much coffee! And then I drank way
too much wine! And no where near enough water!

I am crushed with guilt. I think I have a huge problem with myself. I saw a spider on my floor, and I got SO angry and before I knew it, I had crushed the little thing with a magaizine.. And its little helpless body is laying on the floor now, crushed and dead.. And I can't stop staring at it, I feel so guilty. I'm almost crying. It wasn't even a scary spider, it was harmess and yet I took its life. I hate this. My impulse control is not as it should be..

When does something become an addiction? Is it when people tell you that they are or is it when you, yourself, realise they are? But you hardly ever realise that you have a problem until the people around you show their concern.. But what if it's an addiction that no one can see, because it takes place in your home, when you are all alone? Is it still an addiction even if you think you are in control, except you would never so it unless you are alone because of the shame that someone would see you? The only thing that could make you realise that you are, in fact, addicted is if it would somehow taken away and it becomes clear that you cannot live without it.. Then what do you do?

There is nothing funnier than to spend an entire evening with men only. Kazuma, is probably my best male friend (not that I have an extreme number of male friends). Anyway, we drank, no they drank at his new place with another very nice gentleman, and we literally discussed the nature of sex (on an scientific way, not in a sexual way) from 19.30 to 02.30. They are pretty smart people. The kind of men that respect women, unlike so many other men in my life!

The down side with this hanging with tha bros is that you are most likely to end up at Burger King, and there we ran into yet another friend who was on his way home from a party and just happened to be craving burgers just as all other men seem to! They were all feasting on big fatty disgusting burgers and fries.. I experienced the feeling of wanting to rip all the burgers out of their hands and eat them, mixed with the disgust I feel for them and their smell if grease. Me and burgers are in a true love/hate relationship.

I have spent the day taking care of my plants on my balcony. I'm far from done, but this is the planting part, now I'm passing on to the candles/colour bit... I need lots and lots of candles :)





It is still far from complete, but atleast I'm on my way now to get a
more vivid balcony!!

I will post one of my favorite songs, a real crying song. They always play nice songs on the radio for me to wake up to, and today it was this lovely one.

Everything I own

you sheltered me from harm
kept me warm, kept me warm
you gave my life to me
set me free, set me free
of all the years that I knew
those finer ones I spent with you


I would give anything I own
give up my life, my heart, my home
I would give everything I own
Just to have you back again


you taught me how to cry
I don't know why, just don't know why
you told those lies to me,
you sat me free, you sat me free
of all the years that I knew
those finer ones I spent with you


I would give anything I own
give up my life, my heart, my home
I would give everything I own
just to have you back again


You taught me how to love
what it's all, what it's all
you never said too much
but still you showed the way
and I knew from watching you
Nobody else could ever know
that part of me that can't let go


I would give anything I own
give up my life, my heart, my home
I would give everything I own
just to have you back again


Is there someone you know
you're loving them so
but taking them all for granted
you may lose them one day
someone takes them away
and they don't hear the words you long to say


I would give anything I own....






One of the many versions of  Everything I own, and one of the first if not
the original!

Yesterday was the national day of Sweden, the plan was to have a big BBQ in a park with all my friends, but for various reasons I was forced to cancel. I did manage to celebrate a little bit, as I was at my mum's place, and I found my old Swedish traditional costume. It's not the national Swedish one, because that one is blue and yellow, like the colors of the Swedish flag. This one is from a specific region in Sweden where I have my roots (at least I think that's how the story goes). I'd have to ask my grandmother, or sister, they would know, I imagine.

I was uncertain as to whether or not it would fit; my grandmother had it made for me when I was about 15 years old, and waaaaay smaller than I am now (or will ever be again for that matter), but I guess the tailer was smart enough to give me some space to grow in, because it  really fitted perfectly. However I only wore it for about 20 minutes before I was about to faint from the heat. I do not recommend wearing this dresses when the temperature is close to 30.





There you have it, a traditional Swedish costume, the dress (skirt in
dark blue, with a flowery fabric), the apron (mine is white but it also
comes in different patterns, maybe it depends whether or not you are
married, I don't really know....). This dress is dreadfully heavy and
warm.




Personally I adore these sleves with lace, it makes your hands look
beautiful and feminine, almost as if you were a damsel from the
Marie - Antoinette era! 




this thing... I guess you could call it an anadem or something is my
sister's. I borrowed it because I don't remember having been given
one.

I am exhausted. Me and my sister biked 65 km today, around a lake called Ringsjön. It took us about 4 hours.

I absolutely love chicken. I you've heard it before, but I can't help it! I need to tell the world! The only form of chicken I don't like is deep fried chicken, but that's only because I don't like deep fried food in general so that hardly counts.





Chicken burger




Shiny chicken




Chicken salad




Chicken sandwich

I realized today that I am constantly limiting myself because I am so scared that I'm not gonna be smart enough, or ambitious enough or creative enough etc. to do something interesting with my career. I don't have alot of choice since my high school grades are pretty much useless, but there has to be something I can do other than becoming a preschool teacher! So I started to think about what I would like to do if I was able to do anything in the world, and I started thinking that I would like to try out something different that I have always thought about but been too scared and insecured to consider: Human rights. So I applied for the introduction couse for continuing studies to get a Batchelor degee in Human rights. I figured that I will never know if it's something I like unless I try it, right?


I don't have a boyfriend, I don't have children, I don't have any responsability to anyone but myself, so I ask myself this question: Why am I not going for it? What is holding me back? I have always thought I would choose family over my career, but maybe that's not the right move for me. Maybe husband and childen isn't in the cards for me...

I have found the hottest little hottie of all! Jeffrey, from The Fashion Show. He did a beautiful final collection and won the whole thing. Look at his eyes! I mean.. come on.. How can you not just melt when you see him? His face is completely flawless!